As noted in a prior post, I have begun a new blog series—called “Bully Pulpit”—on the growing problem of spiritual abuse in the church. Before we get too far down the road, we have to pause and define exactly what we mean by spiritual abuse.
We begin by noting what we are not talking about. First, we are not talking here about any kind of physical abuse, such as hitting or striking someone.
Second, we are not talking about sexual abuse—whether that involves physical touch or inappropriate sexual conversations or solicitations.
Third, we are not talking merely about emotional abuse (though there is definitely some overlap). Emotional abuse can happen outside of a Christian context—such as in a marriage or in the work place—and does not necessarily involve spiritual/ecclesiastical authorities.
Spiritual abuse, then, is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him, as a means of accomplishing what he takes to be biblical and/or spiritual goals. Let’s explore several features of this definition.
Spiritual Abuse Involves a Person in a Position of Spiritual Authority
Indeed, abusers often have multiple layers of authority. For example, if a pastor abuses a member of his staff, then he is operating from two positions of authority: he is that person’s pastor and also that person’s boss. And if the staff member is female, some pastors might feel that they have an extra layer of authority (though women are not called to submit to every man just because they are men).
Johnson and VanVonderen argue, “Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person” (20).
Now, to be clear, the Bible affirms the proper role of authorities—in the church and in the world. The Bible is not anti-authority, nor does it try to extinguish all such distinctions. However, at the same time, and because of the fallen nature of man, the Bible repeatedly warns against the misuse of that authority (Matt 20:25; 1 Tim 3:3; 1 Pet 5:3).
If one member of the church made derogatory remarks to another member—e.g., “you’re a legalist,” “you’re not a very good mother,” “you need to lose weight”—they could still be very painful. But what they lack is the weight of an authoritative office behind them.
In contrast, if your pastor makes precisely the same remarks it can be crushing in a very different way. It can make a person doubt what God thinks of them (after all, doesn’t this leader represent God in some way?), it can make them fearful of losing their job (if they are on staff), and it can make them wonder whether this leader is speaking negatively about them to other members of the church.
Spiritual Abuse Involves Sinful Methods of Controlling and Domineering Others
When you talk to people who have been under abusive leadership, certain words often come up: authoritarian, manipulative, controlling, mean, cruel, vindictive, defensive, and unable to take criticism.
Things don’t always start out this way. Often this sort of abusive behavior will begin with a leader making cruel jokes at someone’s expense, or maybe just being hypercritical of the staff that work under him. But, then it can advance to more severe things over time.
People who find themselves at odds with a spiritually abusive pastor, will often feel isolated, shamed, ostracized, silenced, and made to feel like they are unsubmissive, insubordinate, and one who undermines the church’s God-given leadership.
Of course, it should be noted that not everything the world would call “abuse” would count as abuse. In some circles, if a pastor points out a person’s sins, or declares certain behaviors to be unbiblical, then that counts as “abuse.” Obviously, we would reject such a notion. So, we need to recognize that the term abuse can be misunderstood and manipulated.
That said, we are talking here about genuinely sinful behavior where another person is domineered by their pastor or Christian leader, a category the Bible itself acknowledges in places like 1 Pet 5:3 and beyond.
Spiritual Abuse Is Often Used to Achieve Godly, Biblical Goals
Here is where we come to a key feature of spiritual abuse—at least as it exists within conservative, evangelical churches—namely that it is often used to achieve biblical goals.
If we ask why a pastor might abuse people under him, there could be many reasons, including a severe narcissistic personality. But abuse usually happens because a pastor is desperately trying to control his situation. He wants to control his staff, control the vision, control the direction of the church. Loyalty must be maintained at all cost. Nothing can be allowed to derail the ministry. And when people fall out of line (which tends to happen with human beings) then he cracks the whip.
Again, Johnson and VanVonderen: “It’s possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things, that you would and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn’t ‘behave’ spiritually the way you want them to” (23).
In short, abusive behavior (as strange as this sounds) is used as the means of accomplishing the good goals of the church.
Of course, it is precisely this feature that makes spiritual abuse so tragic—and so difficult to spot. Pastors accused of spiritual abuse are usually accomplishing something helpful for the kingdom—expanding the reach of the gospel, planting churches, helping the poor. Their ministries look blessed. Therefore, people often assume the charges can’t possibly be true.
The tragedy of this scenario, of course, is that when the abuse is uncovered, people often refuse to believe it. To allow such a possibility will wreck the tidy world they have built around that spiritual leader. So, the abusive pastor can often provide what seems to be credible “explanations” for everything, while he is backed up by supporters who don’t want to see a successful ministry come to an end.
This three-part definition of spiritual abuse is not exhaustive, but it is sufficient to be a foundation for the rest of the series going forward. For more on the definition of spiritual abuse, see:
Wade Mullen, Somethings Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse (Tyndale, 2020)
Chuck DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church (IVP, 2020)
Paul David Tripp, Lead: 12 Gospel Principles for Leadership in the Church (Crossway, 2020)
David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse (Bethany House, 1991)
Angus says
The supporters of an abusive pastor can sometimes respond to criticism of him by saying ‘Touch not the Lord’s anointed’ in an allusion to 1 Sam 24:6. It would be useful to know a good response to this.
Can't Share says
Thank you, Dr. Kruger, for taking the time to put these blogs together. I look forward to following the series. My experience is limited to my own former pastor and church. You say this is a growing problem more broadly. Can you demonstrate that somehow?
Spencer says
I had been thinking about what qualifies as spiritual abuse since a pastor who is told he is or has been abusive will likely deny it, pushing the issue to the person’s subjective, individual response on the experience. So what objective, determinative standard is there for identifying abuse?
A Christian (true!) understanding and usage of the word ‘spiritual’ means something pertaining to the Holy Spirit. That is to say, this applies to one’s walk with Christ. One’s walk with Christ is of the Spirit.
Abuse – words and/or actions harmful to one’s faith. A man is abusive when he makes himself head over a Christian, usurping the role of Christ. For this reason abuse has an atheistic sense – he acts as if he is everything, as if everything depends on him, as if he knows better than God.
Sin is determined by God which is to say sin is defined by Scripture. God is the one who determines what is contrary to him and violates his revealed will. Sin is therefore any lack of conformity to or transgression of his word. A pastor is spiritually abusive when he disregards the word of God in favor of placing his own will on a person in the church. In other words, if a pastor contradicts Scripture or goes beyond what God himself has said, he commits spiritual abuse. A pastor is under the word – he is a servant of the word – so the word defines and limits his authority. He is to speak only insofar as God has spoken – he is to uphold the word (1 Pet 4:10-11). This is what it is to serve Christ.
A Christian is sinned against when they are treated contrary to Scripture (Christ’s character) and their life in Christ is damaged.
Ian says
Thank you to Spencer who ably and comprehensively defined what “spiritual abuse” is from a biblical standpoint. I agree that whenever you substitute your own – as opposed to God’s – interpretation and intention regarding scriptural interpretation you are committing spiritual abuse in the ears of your listeners.
Connie says
Over 35 years ago my husband and I were in a Christian cult. The only reason I believe we are not still there is because we were in God’s word. For example, one Sunday morning the pastor said this is the year of glory for this ministry. I had just read the scripture that God does not share His glory. There are many other examples I could give. The emotional control included encouragement to NOT spend time with your extended family but only with the ministry family. We were with this pastor from the beginning of his ministry, and the control and manipulation were gradually increased. When we left, as many did, my best friend there told me God told her to have nothing more to do with me. She is still there and the church is still in existence although more cult-like than ever. We must stay in God‘s word for the Holy Spirit to guide us.
Camille Cates says
Dear Dr. Kruger,
Recently this article was shared in a biblical counseling group that I follow and I had a question regarding one aspect of your article where you stated: “And if the staff member is female, there is an additional male-female dynamic, making it a triple position of authority.” Could you please help explain how this particular dynamic of authority is biblical? I understand being under my pastor’s authority and under my husband’s authority, but I don’t see in Scripture where every woman is under every man’s authority. I do know that we are submit to one another (Eph. 5:22). But the dynamic of female to male submission stumped me a bit. I would appreciate your help in explaining this topic biblically since it’s a dynamic mentioned in the article.
In Christ,
Camille Cates
Michael Kruger says
Thanks, Camille. Yes, the originally wording wasn’t clear. I agree that women are not called to submit to men just because they are men. I changed the wording to make this more clear.
Still Healing says
Thank you again Dr. Kruger for your continued conversation on this topic and providing some additional resources. One thing that I’ve learned through my own experience is that a healthy pastor will use vision to serve his people, but an abusive pastor will use people to serve his vision.
JC says
Thank you for your articles. Much of what you write here and in the other articles hit (sadly) far too close to home. Will you also help share what one should do if we are in a Church where spiritual abuse may be taking place? Should we try to speak up, try to move on, or stay and pray for change?
What if the leader tell you that to leave the Church is to “remove yourself from under the protective coverings of God’s ordained hierarchy?” Is this statement Biblical?
Ed Knox says
Sometimes this is hard to fully grasp or explain to others
Thank you for doing so in this article
Chuck Noren says
Dear Dr. Kruger,
Thank you so much for your series. I am 68 years old. Both my wife and I grew up in the church. I was a ruling elder. We encountered this once in 2014/2015. It not only happened to us, but to some church staff and others. I can’t tell you how much we felt violated and isolated, especially my wife by the abusive pastor. I was confused, even paralyzed emotionally, I couldn’t think. So many of the things you talk about happened to us and others.
Fortunately, three people helped us: a Christian counselor, the pastor of the new church we were visiting, and a former pastor from our old church. The Christian counselor was pivotal. She identified what was happening, told us to leave the church and gave us coping strategies. The pastor of the new church become our friend, right at a crucial time, talked with us and welcomed us. Our former pastor and his wife listened and talked with us all through the ordeal and beyond. I can’t tell you how much the friendship of these pastors means to us.
I am happy to say we are at a wonderful church, developed wonderful friends, and have a wonderful pastor. I serve as ruling elder again. It’s like Job having his fortunes restored two-fold.
We carry the effects of what happened to us to this day. I can’t drive in front of our former church. I can’t describe the feelings – my heart races, memories flood back, irrational fear. We forgive the abusive pastor, his enablers, the elders, but a fundamental trust has been severed. On the rare occasions when we run into any of these people from our former church, I must be guarded. I tell myself they don’t know what they have done. When people say, just let all this go – they don’t understand the nature of the injury. I want to forget about it, but viscerally my body does not.
For those who are going through this – get help! This can happen to anyone. If your reputation is ruined, know that you are worse than what they are saying about you, but Christ has forgiven you and will not let you go. In time, Christ may restore your fortunes on earth, but certainly he will at his second coming. Don’t be surprised if you carry the marks of the abuse the rest of your life.
sole Deo gloria says
Concrete examples of this would help so everyone understands better.
Please skewer and share exactly what this is. By sharing examples.
“Spiritual crisis” is a thing. The best example i know of is in Vaillant, The Golden Spruce. The suffering soul in that true story who cuts down the tree is going through spiritual crisis. It kills him. This makes the world worse, too, note.
Spiritual abuse happened to me personally and in a church.
I am really marred and scarred by some bad pastors who use The Bible to commit enormous and daily self-serving selfishness. They would say they were doing right. They did not consult others. Repeatedly. They accused me of terrible things, and only behind my back. Finally i left.
Some denominations are committing spiritual abuse because they have doctrines that are out of alignment with the 2020s. I know, i know, we are supposed to do The Bible no matter our moment or place. Still, better churches are better because their operations and pastors are better aligned with people here and now.
For victims of spiritual abuse, i can share this:
* The Good Lord loves you yes you. God is not ok with abusers or with the pain and damage they cause.
* Get OUT of and AWAY from a bad situation. Do not be abused.
* Get counseling if you are abused. Always act in a way so that nobody is abused.
* Pastors who are doing any kind of abuse or hard sell to others are then outside The Gospel
* Prevent abuse. Be clear on your own motive when you are emotional about anything: Check: Am i being Godly?
The Bible verse Rom 14/13 seems relevant: Do not cause others to sin:
13 So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. Rom 14:/13 NLT https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+14%3A13&version=NLT
Rom 14/13 and the like apply to all, including pastors. Good churches have others who hold us all even a pastor accountable. The problem is when a church does not apply or improve when accountability recommends same.
And, damage from spiritual abuse is real and daily and unhealable harm for some victims, that a counseling session or 2 will not heal.