spiritual abuse Archives - Page 2 of 4

5 Misconceptions about Spiritual Abuse: #3: “The Bible Doesn’t Talk about Spiritual Abuse–It’s Just a Modern Psychological Construct”

October 10, 2022

In anticipation of the Nov 1^st release of my new book, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church, I am making my way through a 5-part blog series on misconceptions and misunderstandings of spiritual abuse. You can read prior installments here and here.

We come now to #3 in the series: “Spiritual abuse is not in the Bible or church history—it’s just a modern psychological construct.”

A number of folks may balk at the idea of spiritual abuse solely on the grounds that the terminology itself is relatively modern. If it does not appear in the Bible (or church history), it is argued, then we can’t affirm it.

While the impetus behind such a concern is fundamentally valid (the Bible is our highest standard and church history an important guide), this objection is guilty of the word-concept fallacy. Sure, the terminology itself may be relatively new, but the concept is not. Indeed, the concept is rooted deep in Scripture and church history.

What is Spiritual Abuse?

If we are going to understand the concept more clearly, then we should begin with a definition of spiritual abuse. In my forthcoming book, I go into the definition issue in more depth, but for our purposes here, we can define spiritual abuse as when

A spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him in order to maintain their own power and control.

In other words, spiritual abuse is when a Christian leader rules in a harsh and heavy-handed manner. Others have called this same phenomenon heavy shepherding or authoritarian leadership.

With that definition laid out, it is rather evident that this is not a new problem in the 21^st century. Nor is it a problem invented by a modern psychological culture. Rather it is a problem as old as humanity itself. [Read more…]

5 Misconceptions about Spiritual Abuse: #2: “Spiritual Abuse is Only a Problem in Independent Churches That Have No Established Church Polity”

October 3, 2022

In anticipation of the Nov 1st release of my forthcoming book, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church (Zondervan, 2022), I am working my way through a new blog series, “5 Misconceptions about Spiritual Abuse.” You can find the prior installment here.

We now come to the #2 misconception in the series: “Spiritual abuse is only a problem in independent churches that have no established church polity.”

In the research for my book, I was surprised to see the widespread nature of this sentiment. Across the board, folks regularly expressed the idea that authoritarian, domineering pastors must be linked to a church polity that is either non-existent or underdeveloped. Thus, independent churches, it is thought, must be the prime breeding ground for bully pastors.

But the reality on the ground doesn’t bear this out. Here are few things I learned in my research.

1. Spiritual abuse crosses denominational and theological boundaries

While there are no hard statistics on spiritual abuse, I saw no correlation between denominational polity and spiritual abuse. The cases I saw occurred in churches that were independent, Baptist, Presbyterian, and Anglican/Episcopal. Indeed, some of the most severe cases occurred in some of the most hierarchical/highly structured denominations. Of course, I am just one individual, and my sample size is obviously limited, but I think this is still worth noting.

Historically, we have seen this same trend when it comes to sexual abuse. There may be no more highly structured church than Roman Catholicism, yet that was the very group that allowed sexual abuse to exist unchecked for generations. And, as I already noted, the recent revelations 6-part Houston Chronicle series, and now the newly released SBC report, show that some of the same problems exist in Baptist churches. [Read more…]

5 Misconceptions about Spiritual Abuse: #1 “Loving the Church Means You Don’t Call Out Her Problems”

September 26, 2022

Last week I announced the upcoming release of my new book, Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church (Zondervan, 2022). The book releases on November 1st.

As a lead up to the book release, I am launching a new blog series entitled, “5 Misconceptions about Spiritual Abuse.” In my research for the book, it became quite evident that people have a lot of misunderstandings of spiritual abuse, how it manifests itself in the church, and how it should be addressed. Some of these are rather innocent misunderstandings, and others perhaps less innocent. Either way, it is important that they be addressed for the health of the church.

We begin with perhaps the biggest misconception: “Loving the church means you don’t call out her problems.”

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When it comes to the issue of abuse, it’s been a rough stretch for the church. The last decade has not only seen a rise in cases of spiritual abuse—Mark Driscoll, Steve Timmis, James MacDonald to name a few—but it seems we are hearing about more and more cases, including those of sexual abuse. Beyond the high-profile cases of Ravi Zacharias and Bill Hybels, we have the 6-part Houston Chronicle series, and now the newly released SBC report, showing the problem is much more extensive than anyone even knew.

Every time we think we’ve seen the full scope of the abuse problem, it seems we discover the iceberg just goes deeper below the surface than we even realized.

In light of such revelations, we might hope for the church to respond like Nehemiah, “Even I and my father’s house have sinned. We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses” (Neh 1:6-7).

And, some in the church have had precisely this response. For instance, I was so encouraged by those in the SBC who chose to waive attorney-client privilege and move toward full disclosure and full repentance.

But, strangely, there’s also been another reaction afoot. Rather than a move towards repentance, others have moved towards a posture of defensiveness. Rather than expressing concern about the abuse, concern is expressed about those who call out the abuse. To speak out against abuse in the church is seen as uncharitable, divisive, and even as evidence that a person doesn’t really love the church as they ought.

In other words, if you really love the church you don’t point out her problems.

Let me say that I understand the concern behind such an approach. We believe the church is vital in the life of every believer, so we don’t want to dissuade people from being involved. And, it’s easier than we think to become disillusioned and jaded about the church. We have to be careful we don’t slide, perhaps imperceptibly, from constructive critiques toward unbridled cynicism.

Yet, the opposite problem is a danger too. Fear over unbridled cynicism has caused some to put on the blinders, refusing to see and acknowledge the problems that are really there. We can convince ourselves that loving the church means we keep our mouths shut about her weaknesses.

But, I think that’s a deeply problematic approach. It falters in three ways: personally, biblically, and practically. [Read more…]

Announcing My New Book: Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church

September 13, 2022

For those that follow this blog, you will know that the issue of spiritual abuse has been on my mind for the last several years now. Even before Mike Cosper’s excellent podcast, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, put it on the national radar, I’ve been concerned about some trends and patterns I am seeing across the spectrum of evangelical and reformed churches.

As a seminary president, and professor of New Testament, it’s part of my job to think about such things. After all, producing the next generation of leaders is what we are all about. And, more than anything, we want them to be like Christ.

And most of them are. To be sure, there’s much to be encouraged about when I look at pastors today. As a whole, they are a sacrificial, godly, and faithful bunch. Indeed, I am around pastors every day. I love pastors. I am a pastor myself.

But that is not all that can be said. For anyone paying attention over the last ten years, we have also seen the rise of a type of Christian leader that is, sadly, very different than Christ. Rather than being gentle, patient, shepherds, some pastors (for a variety of reasons) are heavy-handed and domineering to the flocks under their care.

Of course, such behavior is fundamentally contrary to scriptural teaching about Christian leadership (1 Tim 3:3; Titus 1:7; 1 Pet 5:3). Indeed, Jesus spoke a good bit about such domineering behavior, warning his disciples against precisely this sort of authoritarian model of ministry (e.g., Mark 10:35-45).

Despite these warnings, however, some churches (at least more than we should be comfortable with) have tolerated, and sometimes even celebrated, precisely the kinds of leaders Jesus warned us against.

Indeed, there has been a bit of a “pile up” of churches wrecked by such behavior over the last number of years. Some of the high-profile cases are known to most. But there are countless other stories behind the scenes that we will never hear about.

I have written and talked about this issue before. I have a written a lengthy blog series about it (see here), as well as led a panel discussion on spiritual abuse at the TGC 2021 National Conference (see here).

In fact, my series on spiritual abuse has been, by far, the most read series on my blog. On top of this, the series triggered a deluge of emails, queries, comments, and even personal stories about spiritual abuse from all over the country. It has far surpassed anything that I have ever experienced before. Clearly there is something going on out there and God’s people are hurting.

But there’s more that needs to be said and done. Churches need a resource that can help them understand what spiritual abuse is, how to spot it, how it affects the victims of abuse, and how the church can keep such behavior from happening.

So, I am pleased to announce my forthcoming book with Zondervan: Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church. The book releases November 1^st—just seven short weeks from now.

I have written this book out of love for the church. After all, the church is the most important institution on the planet. Not only do we want to see her more and more sanctified as the day of Christ approaches, but we want to protect the sheep in the church from the wolves that Christ warned us about.

While loving the church may involve more than this, it certainly doesn’t involve less.

My prayer is that this book would find its way to the hands of pastors, elder boards (sessions), and other organizations that train and commend Christian leaders.

Here’s the official description: [Read more…]

What Do You Do When an Abusive Leader Is Allowed to Remain in Ministry?

June 28, 2021

A couple of weeks ago, I watched with great interest how the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) would handle some particularly tough issues during its annual gathering in Nashville. Like any such gathering, there were things that were encouraging, and there were some things less encouraging.

But, I was particularly encouraged to see the SBC decide to do a real, thorough investigation of how it has handled abuse claims in the past. For those who watched, it was clear that there were many present on the floor of the gathering, mostly women, who had never received justice for the abuse they had endured at the hands of an SBC leader or church.

On the contrary, it seems that these abusive leaders were allowed to remain in ministry. They were still considered to be in “good standing.”

It’s not hard to imagine the excruciating pain this must have caused the victims of abuse. Not only did they endure the abuse itself, but then they’ve had to endure a church process that wouldn’t believe them. Then, on top of all of this, they had to watch the pastor that abused them remain in the SBC as he preached, taught, and performed the sacraments. They had to watch as other leaders welcomed him with a handshake or a hug as if everything was perfectly fine.

No wonder these women broke into sobs as soon as the SBC made its decision to investigate these issues properly.

But there are many out there still—across other denominations—who find themselves in this same situation. They have been abused (whether it be sexual abuse or spiritual abuse), and there has been no justice for them. What can be said to them? What can they do?

My heart breaks for these people. So, as a pastor, here are a few thoughts for those who are hurting. [Read more…]